a text: please rate and/or correct...

[Sedge]

hey fellows, thats a text i have to write.
please, can someone have a look at it and can tell me
what -especially grammatical- i can do better?

Elizabeth Bishop's “The Fish” tells a story about a fisherman, who has caught an enormous fish. The speaker tells us about the looks of the fish, “his brown skin hung in strips” (line 10), “he was speckled with barnacles” (line 16), “rags of green weed hung down” (line 21) and the poetic impressions the speaker has: “his gills were breathing in the terrible oxygen” (line 22, 23), “the pink swim-bladder like a big peony” (line 32, 33). The fisherman even wants the fish to reply his look: “I looked into his eyes [...] They shifted a little, but not to return my stare” (line 34, 41, 42).

And then the fisherman recognizes the signs of fighting: “five old pieces of fish-line [...] with all their five big hooks [...] in his mouth” (line 51, 54, 55). To the speaker these are “medals with their ribbons” (line 61) and represents “a five-haired beard of wisdom” (line 63).

The last ten lines are about the “victory” that “filled up the little [...] boat” (line 66, 67). Then the fisherman lets the fish go...

So, why does the speaker let the fish go? There are many indicators that the fisherman personalizes the fish, he gets a personal connection to it. This becomes obvious at that points, where the speaker is telling in a poetic way, as mentioned above. Further the speaker honors the fish with medals, which are obviously only hooks and fish-line.

Probably the fisher is an amateur: “the little rented boat” (line 67). This indicates that he has none of his own. And this amateur has done, what five others have tried: he caught the fish, no, he outwitted the fish. Because of the rented boat he perhaps didn't fish for the need of food, but for the sporty aspect. Competing with nature, trying to fool the fish. He's satisfied that he did it. He's the man!

It's an example for a basic behavior of mankind, especially men: hunting. In early days in the need of food, nowadays as competition. Everything gets hunted: low-price products (best example are women and their shes, but ok: the shoes are rarely low-price), even women get hunted (by some men, but that's not a very honorable hunt). And of course animals: deer, foxes, ducks... and fish. When the aim is achieved, the competitor gets satisfied (or maybe not, and the vicious circle takes its lines).

That's what fishing is about: finding the right bait, throwing the fishing rod to the right place, wait (sometimes a very long time), and when the fish snaps, give him more or less line, let him move, make him tired. Long story short: outwit him. Then the vicious circle takes place and the game can start again.
Therefore the speaker lets the fish go.

 

[NormaJean]

"The speaker" sounds a bit strange to me - I'd call him "the narrator"...

 

[Winston_Smith]

This becomes obvious at that points, where the speaker is telling in a poetic way, as mentioned above.

"This IS GETTING obvious..., WHEN the speaker...." might be better. Or not?

 

[Lunatic]

Elizabeth Bishop's “The Fish” deals with a story about a fisherman, who has caught an enormous fish. The narrator tells us several things about the appearance of the fish, “his brown skin hung in strips” (line 10), “he was speckled with barnacles” (line 16), “rags of green weed hung down” (line 21) and the poetic impressions the speaker has (?): “his gills were breathing in the terrible oxygen” (line 22, 23), “the pink swim-bladder like a big peony” (line 32, 33). The fisherman even wants the fish to reply his look: “I looked into his eyes [...] They shifted a little, but not to return my stare” (line 34, 41, 42).

And then the fisherman recognizes the signs of his fight with the fish: “five old pieces of fish-line [...] with all their five big hooks [...] in his mouth” (line 51, 54, 55). To the speaker these are “medals with their ribbons” (line 61) and represents “a five-haired beard of wisdom” (line 63).

The last ten lines are about the “victory” that “filled up the little [...] boat” (line 66, 67). Then the fisherman manumits the fish...

So, why does the speaker manumit(unharness) the fish?
There are many signs that the fisherman personalizes the fish, he contracts a personal relationship to it. This is getting apparent when the speaker is speaking in a poetic way about the fish, as mentioned above. Furthermore the speaker honors the fish with medals, which are obviously only hooks and fish-lines.

Probably the fisher is just an amateur: “the little rented boat” (line 67). This indicates that he has no boat of his own. And this amateur made, what five other fisher tried before: he caught the fish, no, he outwitted the fish.


It's an example of a basic behavior of the human race, especially for the men: hunting. In early days in the need of food, nowadays as competition. Everything is hunted: low-price products (best example are women and their shoes, but ok: the shoes are rarely low-price), even women get hunted (by some men, but that's not a very honorable hunt). And of course animals: deer, foxes, ducks... and fish. When the aim is achieved, the competitor gets satisfied (or maybe not, and the vicious circle takes its lines).

That's what fishing is about: finding the right bait, throwing the fishing rod to the right place, wait (sometimes a very long time), and when the fish snaps, give him more or less line, let him move, make him tired. To cut a long story short (Lange Rede kurzer Sinn): outwit him. Then the vicious circle takes place and the game can start again.

Hatte nur wenig Zeit. Gucke später nochmal drüber...

 

[agentP]

... and why do you have to quote the whole text, just to say that you didn´t read it yet ? :gruebel:

 

[NormaJean]

have a closer look, agentp - Luna changed and rewrote a lot...

 

[zerocoolcat]

My version of the beginning of your text, more follows if I can make time:


Elizabeth Bishop´s "The Fish" tells the story of a fisherman who has caught an enormously big fish. The narrator describes its looks [Quotes of line 10, 16 and 21] and his own poetic impressions [Quotes of lines 22, 23, 32, 33]. The fisherman even wants the fish to reply his look: “I looked into his eyes [...] They shifted a little, but not to return my stare” (line 34, 41, 42).

On a closer look, the fisherman can see some signs of previous encounters with fishermen: “five old pieces of fish-line [...] with all their five big hooks [...] in his mouth” (line 51, 54, 55). To him, these are “medals with their ribbons” (line 61) and represent “a five-haired beard of wisdom” (line 63).

 

[agentP]

Okay. Sorry. I didn´t look close enough.

 

[Tortenhuber]

I'll take a look at it on the weekend

 

[Tortenhuber]

so hier erstmal die fehler die ich gefunden habe:

http://wh12.tu-dresden.de/~torte23/dls/sedge.pdf

wenn erwünscht kann ich auch noch eine eigene version verfassen, kann aber kein datum versprechen

Anmerkungen:

don't, can't, he's, they're und andere contractions werden _immer_ ausgeschrieben, bei formalen texten. achte darauf, nicht von der deutschen wortstellung auf die englische zuschliessen, das führt meistens zu ausdrucksmängeln und teilweise versteht dich der "native speaker" garnicht mehr. mache nicht soviele anmerkungen in klammern, formuliere diese in sätze aus. das bringt erstens eine größere HA, es sieht besser aus und eigentlich sind klammern nur für quellenangaben reserviert. benutze nie wörter die informal sind wie "the looks" oder "get" (ok das ist eher neutral, aber im schriftlichen gebrauch eher unprofessionell)

ausserdem: ich denke mal, dass das eine interpretation eines gedichtes sein soll. falls ja fehlt da noch die angabe der verwendeten stilmittel, welches versmaß das gedicht hat, wie die betonung ist, wieviele strophen / verse und einiges andere (sind jetzt nur die dinge, an die ich mich noch erinnere)

 

[Sedge]

wow guys, thanks a lot, especially torte!
An version of your own is not necessary, but thanks for the offer!

The aim was to write a paper on "The fish" and "Why does the speaker let the fish go?".
Now I get rated (unfortunately my version without your corrections, torte),
if I fail I have to participate a so called "writing clinic".

I'll let you know if I have to go to the doc...

 

[rai69]

hi sedge,

you got well done support, but i know a place where you can find a "writing clinic"

have a look!


greetz

rai69

 

[Sedge]

fellows, now i have answer from the doc - i don't have to go to the clinic.

i should have answered the question in the first paragraph...

further there were some expressions i did wrong:
the looks of the fish,
he gets a personal connection (=> develops),
and of course the long story short (=> to cut a long story short).

and he didn't want to see italics...


well, finally i did a good job,
but i would like to thank you all for your help, you did a good job, too.